the teeth

I am in the teeth of finals. During times like this, my body, feeling neglected, likes to throw punches. I'm not the type to snap or yell or slam doors when I feel overwhelmed with demands and responsibilities, instead I swallow the stress and watch as it emerges in mysterious side effects. I have an infected tooth, an infected outer ear, and a slipped disc in my lower back. I've taped all my papers to the wall so I can do my work standing up, the pencil in my hand cramped at an unusual angle. Sitting is excruciating. During class, I lean against the wall in the back, awkward, like someone loitering in a parking lot.

I've been given a body that never presents the same symptoms twice, because that would be too boring. Hypochondria has rattled me my entire life, but I do marvel at the innovation that comes from that deep part of my brain, the secret laboratory that I am unaware of and have no control over, for constantly thinking up new aches and pains, disruptive yet undiagnosable, all creatively worrisome.

If you were to come speak to me while I'm sitting (standing) at the cafe, or lying face down on the floor in a sea of papers, I would not raise my voice, or be short with you or say something to make you feel lousy. Some people go this route when there is too much to do and not enough time. Not me. Instead I will tirelessly try and convince you that my number is up, and this time I mean it. I'll pull my hair back to show you the infected red stripe on my ear that's no doubt marching towards my brain. I'll take your hand in mine and press it against that misplaced bone in my back.

To live with me requires some patience.

That said, there is a faint light at the end of this tunnel. In less than two weeks I should be home in New England, the ACS exam passed or failed but over either way. Same with all the others.

I have to return to the belly of the whale now. It's been nice coming here and having a gasp of fresh air.

Coming up on Monday, I'm excited to present the grandest, coziest, warmest giveaway yet. I can't wait! But I will. One question for you before I announce the winner of the In Blue bicycle journal: for Monday, would you like a prompt, or should I leave the comments open this time around? That way you could say anything you'd like and write as much or as little as you please. If you have an opinion, let me know.

Now for the winner. Thank you to everyone who nominated a hard working person in your life. Here is what I took away from your comments: people can take on a whole lot and make it work. It's difficult but it's possible. And maybe I shouldn't be so daunted by the idea of finishing school, starting a career, having kids and getting enough sleep all in the next few years, because people are doing exactly that, and far more, every day.

I have to use the computer instead of the drawing hat because everyone I know is either at work or at school right now. (The nerve!)

Congratulations Bekah, comment #18!

"I want to say my momma, because all of the stuff you just said about raising kids, she did it. I never (ever!) knew we were poor until kids in middle school told me we were...personally I think they got it wrong, but I guess by the numbers we were. I loved my childhood, and I try hard to raise my boys the same way. We have been up and down financially in the five years that I have been a momma, down as low as literally living in an unfinished basement with a five month old baby. And you know what - I wouldn't change a damn thing about when I had my babies. We done some pretty amazing things with the boys, and I will tell you right now that as much as they liked disneyworld (which was a gift - because holy shit tickets are absurd) they still mostly talk about our fun times hiking nearby or throwing rocks at the river. I don't know where my comment is going, and I'm not trying to preach, all I'm trying to say is you can do it. And it can be amazing."

I know where your comment is going, girl. It's going towards a home-made leather bound journal for your innovative and hard working mom. Please send her mailing address and yours to: Thewildercoast@gmail.com

Keep up with Monday giveaways on Instagram: @melinadream